The Most Captivating Person in the Room
Would you like to be the most captivating person in the room? How do you become this most endearing and sought-after person? While there are numerous ways to go about this, we will discuss one way in particular, and the answer is simple…by LISTENING! Active listening. Often people take an incorrect approach in an attempt to be noticed and spend a great deal of time talking about themselves, trying to impress others with their amazing accomplishments. While their resume may be astounding and accolades are very much deserved, this approach is rarely, if ever, effective. This type of self-talk may lead to envy from the listener or the release of a "topper," which is trying to one-up what the other person has said.
It is just human nature to love to talk about yourself. After all, you are amazing. And you are beautifully and wonderfully made. It is an innate sense you are born with to want to talk about yourself, and as you know, it is a topic in which you are best informed and most knowledgeable. You may enjoy talking about yourself or your circumstances for many reasons.
Reasons You May Want to Talk About Yourself:
- You Know Yourself. There is no easier topic to discuss than the one you know the best. It is often difficult for people to engage in a conversation with others if the topic is unknown. Some people are really good at making up a conversation as they go along and finding common ground. Others may be unable to "create and relate" and may find unknown conversations intimidating. This may lead to a conversation focused on yourself.
- Your Mind is Actively in the Midst of Events. It is easy to discuss situations you are already in the middle of. Your own life is actively happening, and it is, therefore, easy to discuss events that are currently underway with someone else. They are at the forefront of your mind. "Current events" are popular topics of conversation; nothing is more current than your everyday present life. It may be the morning you just experienced with your family or an episode at work. These are the topics that are currently in your thoughts.
- The Desire to Problem Solve. Everyone needs to vent; sometimes, you may not come into contact with someone familiar very often to share the events cluttering your mind. It is human nature to interact with others, and an intimate form of that is sharing your personal experiences with each other. It is often difficult to undertake some things yourself, so talking them over with another person is therapeutic. Often just hearing yourself say the issue aloud causes solutions to stir in your mind. It is a very helpful form of problem-solving.
- Unawareness. Some people just do not take the time to see the whole picture. Based on the above three reasons, perhaps you might be inclined to monopolize a conversation focused on yourself, just not realizing the recipient of your conversation has needs and a message they would like to convey. This is not a selfish motive but rather out of either a lack of awareness of sharing or a deep need to declutter your mind and, as a result, disregard a potential need of the person you are speaking to.
- The Recipient of Your Conversation Is Already Trained to Be a Captivator. Perhaps your conversation partner is already educated on how to be captivating. He or she may be directing the conversation to be all about you, leading you to proceed with talking exclusively about yourself. This would include unawareness, as mentioned above, or perhaps you are aware and are just responding kindly to the questions presented in the conversation with a person who truly cares about you and is interested in hearing you share more information.
- Self-Centered or Narcissistic. It happens. Many people have a love of self. Or they love to hear themselves speak. Most likely, it is all about themselves. This is a particular personality trait in which a person has little or no concern for anyone else. Despite your potential interjection in a conversation to make it a two-way sharing of information, they quickly and inevitably redirect the conversation to everything that involves themselves. They truly do not want to hear any information about anyone else. And they certainly, do not want your advice on anything they speak of. A quick note about this type of person…when you have identified this type, you can be polite and listen, not expecting to share in the conversation, but at the first opportunity, gently yet quickly exit the conversation and avoid future contact, as this personality type is very dangerous.
You will always make a much better impression by allowing others to speak about themselves and be heard. Think about it logically. What is your favorite topic when speaking with someone else? Most people, if being honest, would say something about themselves, such as their interests, abilities, family, goals, business, events in their life, etc. That all makes sense. So, how should you do this if you want to engage someone else in a conversation they find interesting? Focus on them.
How to Be Captivating Through Conversation:
- If you are initiating the conversation, begin by asking questions about them. If you wish to network and meet new people and make a lasting impression, approach another person with questions about that person that would delight them. You could observe something they are wearing, something you overheard them say, or something you know they did. This will give that person an opportunity in a positive setting to expand on a gratifying conversation regarding their favorite topic; themselves.
- Make direct yet comfortable eye contact with the recipient. If the conversation is in person, look the other person in the eyes, especially the right eye. Make it a soft focus, and do not let the surroundings distract you from giving them your attention. Let them be the center of the conversation and allow them to feel that what they say is important and you listen attentively.
- Interject comments or questions to show interest. By interacting in the conversation with comments on content, asking questions for clarification, or even giving occasional nods, the other person engaged with you in conversation will know you are listening and that what they say is important to you.
- If you are asked questions about yourself, politely answer, then continue with questions about them. Turn the conversation back to the other person and get them to talk more about themselves. The person asking the questions is the one in control of the conversation.
- Be kind, nonjudgmental, intentional, and smile. Be sincere and mean what you say and say what you mean. Always be kind in your conversation, and be interested. Smile and use appropriate expressions to display your interest. Time and a listening ear are some of the greatest gifts you can give someone.
There are many ways to become the most captivating person in the room. Here we focused on conversations and how to be viewed as having an enticing quality, even if you spoke the least! There is a time and a place in a close friendship or business interactions for two-way conversations, but this is directed at building a reputation as a captivating or alluring person of interest. It is not always what we say. Sometimes it is what we don’t say, or rather, what we hear or listen to, that defines us the most.
“Confidence is captivating. It is powerful, and it does not fade – and that is endlessly more interesting than beauty.”
“Putting the other person first equals maximum productivity.”
“The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.”
What are your thoughts about this topic?
Who will you share this with?