Chapter 6, part 2: Declutter Your Mind from A Book in Time

Published on 17 September 2022 at 17:49

According to Tiffany:

What Makes a Relationship Healthy?

You determine whether they feel closer to home (family), have a feeling of interest (romantic partner), or feel like guidance (friend).

You think, feel, and act in different ways in your attempts to shape your relationship into what you hope for it to be.


Tiffany says all healthy relationships should revolve around a few essential factors:

1.)  Honesty; be aware of manipulation.

2.)  Respect; the way you treat yourself models behavior for others for how to treat you. Respecting yourself promotes the respect of others.

3.)  Communication; body language should match what you are saying. There should be a follow-through on what has been said, or there will be mistrust. Where communication is key; learning how the other person interprets what you say and how to come off better verbally. Learn how to listen while sending the right message.

4.)  Happiness; you need satisfaction to develop healthy relationships.

5.)  Compromise; there must be a middle ground. It's all about decision-making and boundary-setting.

6.)  Independence; need it to prevent codependency. Never give it up in a relationship.

7.)  Partnership; equality; come together and work as a team.

8.)  Trust; without trust, there is no respect, nor will there be any happiness because that will be the main topic of your arguments.


A Book in Time's Commentary:


Professionally:  According to, "The majority of failures in the workplace and in relationships are due to people's inability to listen." Often "hearing" is mistaken for listening. While hearing is a physical process, listening is a more extensive intellectual act. It involves processing and understanding the information as well. There is no better way to find out what the wants and needs of others are than by listening. You will know exactly what people want rather than guessing or assuming. Listening allows you to see into the hearts and minds of your business associates. Successful people know the value and importance of listening.  It is the basis of good, open, and honest communication. There are many obstacles to listening. Sometimes you may be thinking about the answer you want to hear and not quite paying attention to the actual answer. Or you may be formulating what you want to say next and fail to listen to what was actually said. This is often the case when an introduction is made. Think about how often you do not remember the person's name you were just introduced to only seconds ago. Maybe it is an issue of focus. You have so much on your mind that the distractions prevent you from concentrating on the conversation. Or it could be a matter of pride or an ego. Perhaps the recipient of the conversation is someone new, younger, or an amateur with less knowledge and experience.


In business and personal relationships, it is crucial to make becoming an excellent listener a priority. Be aware that the other person also wants to share information that is important to them. I have always been taught to focus on their right eye. Make gentle but consistent eye contact and stay focused on them and what they are saying. You may even interject and repeat some of the things they say to help engage you in the conversation and send them a message that you are focused on them and what they are conveying to you, especially regarding their name. When introduced, repeat their name out loud, which is a secondary way of helping you remember it, from hearing it from them and saying it from your own mouth. Do not interrupt as they are speaking. Truly care about them and the content of their message. Rather than forecast in your mind any preconceived notions of what they may say, allow their words to deliver the message. Listen with both your head and your heart.


According to, "Listening is both an art and a science."

1.)  Listening is a crucial part of being successful, as every idea starts with information, and that information comes from listening.

2.)  Listening is a skill that you can cultivate.

3.)  Listening is the key to knowing what others want, not what you want; it is a little thing that makes a big difference.

4.)  Listening is like planning; it pays off and will save you from making a lot of mistakes and can even improve the effectiveness and efficiency of your organization.

5.)  By listening, you will be able to hear what other people don't because the truth is that many people have eyes but don't see and have ears but don't listen. Do not be one of these people.

6.)  Successful people are good listeners because they understand how input from their environment can be critical, crucial, and central to their business strategy.


As I have been taught, you have two ears and one mouth. You should spend twice as much time listening as you spend talking. "One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say." Bryant McGill. 


Personally:  The best form of negotiations is a win-win for everyone involved. Think of a time when you worked with someone to find a solution, whether in your personal or professional life, and the results heavily favored the other person. How did you feel? I bet you were left feeling somewhat cheated, frustrated, disappointed, violated, and even angry that the results were unbalanced and unfair. A compromise is about finding common ground, or at least a place where you feel like you have gained some things and let go of some things, just as the other person has. The most successful compromises occur when your goal is the priority that both parties are at least reasonably satisfied with the outcome. It's important to understand that the other party involved also has needs. By acknowledging the importance of their side of the negotiation, you are more likely to work towards common ground.


There are seven principles summarized by that can help you make better compromises.  

1.)  Know what's worthy of compromise.  Think about and determine in advance what is worth it to you.

2.)  See compromise as a strength, not a weakness.  Think of a discussion or a debate as a means of both parties getting the most value out of a situation. It is a way of demonstrating your confidence that a situation can be resolved adequately.

3.)  Be transparent with your intentions.  Be direct and let them know if you disagree but are willing to meet in the middle. This may open the discussion to a meaningful level and proactively demonstrates that you are sincere in your intentions.

4.)  Discover your opponents' true needs.  One of your best tools for success is acknowledging and understanding your opponents' real needs. Dig deeper, if necessary, to make sure they are known.

5.)  Make multiple suggestions.  When a person has two or more options instead of one, he or she may be more willing to move forward and be happier with the end result. This may open you to more options as well.

6.)  Escalate when appropriate.  Sometimes, further effort for a compromise may be necessary, and you may need to escalate your offer, moving the middle ground somewhat closer to your counterpart's relative position. You must determine whether or not it's worth this escalating step.

7.)  Know that not all compromise attempts will work.  Go into the potential compromise, knowing that there's a chance your efforts won't work at all.  Some people are fundamentally unwilling to compromise, and sometimes there really isn't a middle ground between two opposed positions. Do not let this discourage you from trying again in the future.


Spiritually:  Rather than falling into a "mob mentality," consider throwing aside conformity and seek to understand spiritual themes direct from your own heart rather than through that of someone or something else. According to, "As wisdom grows, independent thinkers discover many new and practical powers that further their spiritual aims and provide great talents for successful daily living."

Three of these powers are:

1.). The Power to IGNORE.  You will encounter resistance from people threatened by your desire to change or not conform. You may choose to ignore them.

2.)  The Power to Fly Free.  Empowerment means challenging the borders of comfort - venturing beyond where you normally stop. Change may initially "feel wrong" to old habits. But eventually, it will feel very right and true, but to arrive there, you must travel through doubt and uncertainty.

3.)  The Power to Step Aside.  Choose to yield. This is how you can sometimes deal with a difficult and obnoxious person. They relish "the fight" and may become powerless when you consciously let them win. The real empowerment is yours as you refuse to fight.


Independent thinkers do not seek the approval of other people. This saves a tremendous amount of energy. The power that begins to arise from within is breathtaking. Escape the false reality you are living in and think for yourself.


"Responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and naming for you; it means learning to respect and use your own brains and instincts; hence, grappling with hard work."

Adrienne Rich


 "Blind belief in authority is the greatest enemy of truth."

Albert Einstein


"Small is the number of them that see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts."

Albert Einstein


"And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free."

John 8:32


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