According to Tiffany:
Organizing Your Relationships
The relationships you keep make up about 80 percent of what influences you and your thought patterns. Almost all communication that you use daily is nonverbal. You will feel the same vibes as those you spend time with, whether cynical or positive. The positive feedback can make you feel good about yourself too, which will depict your thoughts, feelings, and behavior in the present moment.
A cluttered mind is about what you tell yourself and what and who you surround yourself with. Your thoughts are the foundation of what you let happen in your life. Even people who may appear to have it all together do not have a perfect world, either. But the company they keep is supportive. Many relationships fill the void of loneliness, promoting self-love.
Toxic and unhealthy relationships can increase the likelihood of mental destruction. The connections you make in your life support and lift you up or bring you down and take advantage of you. Look at the relationships in your life and determine which ones to keep around and which are best to cut out.
A Book in Time's Commentary:
Professionally: While unfortunate, toxic people are often in your workplace. Have you ever experienced this? Or perhaps I should ask, have you ever not experienced this in a work setting? They may come as harassers, gossipers, bullies, or manipulators. The stress of dealing with toxic people can harm your health, affect your relationships, and even hinder your job performance. You cannot fix or change anyone other than yourself, so you must learn how to manage your immediate environment and respond to uncomfortable situations. Lauraconnell.com shares ideas on how to handle toxic people in the workplace:
1.) Find supporters. Form relationships in your work environment that are positive and job-oriented. There is strength in numbers, so join forces with positive and productive people who align with your work goals. You do not have to work against the toxic person, but rather, counter the effects by focusing on the right things.
2.) Set boundaries. Rise above the madness of the toxic person and do not respond emotionally. Use your nonverbal body language to indicate your unwillingness to engage in their manipulation. Avoid toxic situations if at all possible. Know your boundaries, and do not let the offenders penetrate them in any way. Do not drop your standards to their level under any circumstances.
3.) Have good self-care. You are most susceptible to the toxic effects of others when you are not well-rested or are unhealthy. Meditation may help by keeping your mind off the offending person and on the present moment instead. It calms your brain and gives you more mental clarity. Eat a healthy diet and make sure you are well-nourished. Let your body benefit from healthy choices, which will increase your confidence and help counter the negative effects of your challenging coworker. Take breaks away from this person when possible, and also take advantage of vacation time to escape to a stress-free atmosphere where you can unwind and refresh your mind. Take personal days when you can, and get plenty of rest.
4.) Focus on solutions. It is pointless to attempt to understand how a toxic person thinks or why they do what they do. This is beyond your control. Focus on what you can control and your actions rather than ruminating on what you cannot. Toxic people are driven by nefarious methods and are irrational in their thought processes. You will never understand them. They will manipulate at any cost. Think of ways to manage your situation and allow you to feel more in control. And as they are sneaky and manipulative, watch your back and always document your actions if there is a chance the offender could manipulate situations or events. Detach yourself where possible, yet protect yourself when corroboration is necessary.
If this toxic person begins to dominate your thoughts, and it is apparent your employer is willing to tolerate their continued bad behavior, consider researching other companies that will benefit from your talents and work ethic. Your sanity is more valuable than any one job or position.
Personally: Toxic people can invade your personal life as well as your workspace. According to scienceofpeople.com, there are seven types of toxic people to watch out for:
1.) The Conversational Narcissist. This type of person loves to talk about themselves, and getting a word in edgewise will be difficult. They are completely self-centered and will never be attentive to your needs. They love to talk, think and care for themselves.
2.) The Strait Jacket. This type of person strives to control everything and everyone around them. They want to be in charge of what you do, say, and even what you think. They fall apart if you disagree with them and work tirelessly to convince you that they are right. They want you to be in complete alignment with them. They will attempt to gain control of your emotional and mental freedom until you have nothing left.
3.) The Emotional Moocher. They may also be known as a "spiritual vampire," as they tend to suck the positivity out of you or bleed you emotionally dry. They always have something sad, negative, or pessimistic to say, and they can never see anything positive and will bring you down with them.
4.) The Drama Magnet. Something is always wrong. And once it is resolved, another problem or two emerges. They only want your empathy, sympathy, or support but never your advice. They would rather complain than actually fix the problem. They are victims who thrive in a crisis.
5.) The JJ. This is a Jealous-Judgmental person. Jealous people are incredibly toxic because they have so much self-hate that they cannot be happy for others. The jealousy comes out as judgment, criticism, or gossip. They thrive in putting you down so they feel better about themselves. They also take pleasure in talking behind your back.
6.) The Fibber. They are liars, fibbers, and deceivers, and they are exhausting. Trusting this type of person in a relationship is impossible, and dishonesty is draining.
7.) The Tank. A tank crushes everything in its path. They are always right and do not care about the feelings or ideas of others. They constantly put themselves first and are incredibly arrogant; even their opinions are stated as facts. They believe they are the smartest person in the room, so they see every person and conversation as a challenge that must be won. They do not see anyone else as an equal, so they are difficult to have a relationship with.
Avoidance of these people is always the best first option. However, this may not always be possible. In that case, rather than enabling them to get their way, you may "try respectful disagreement instead. You might say, 'I had a different take on the situation,' and describe what really happened. Stick to the facts, without making accusations" from healthline.com. This most likely won't be what they want to hear, yet you won't be enabling them, and maybe they will be less likely to engage with you next time, as they cannot manipulate you for the reaction they crave. Resist the temptation to complain along with them or to defend yourself against their accusations. Perhaps just respond, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Gain an understanding of what the toxic profiles listed above look like so you can identify them immediately and arm yourself against the manipulation. Be aware of how they make you feel, and allow yourself to be in control of your own emotions and environment. Do not allow yourself to be drawn into their toxic world. Be prepared to walk away, and do not allow them to leave you with a feeling of guilt. You cannot fix them. You can only control yourself and how you handle and respond to the stimulus. Set boundaries, change your routine, always have an exit strategy, and maybe even "gently" encourage them to seek help. Meditation will help bring you back to a place of calmness.
"You cannot change the people around you, but you can change the people you choose to be around."
"Don't let negative and toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out."
Spiritually: Some of your friends may negatively influence your life. As you mature in your spirituality, you may begin to find it wise to choose friends carefully. You may even find it necessary to start letting some unhealthy friendships dwindle. They may speak critically or not align with your goals, morality, or well-being. Become aware of how you feel when you are in the presence of the people you spend time with. Maybe it's time to become less friendly and more cordial, slowly pulling away from the amount of time spent together. Identify the quality of relationships you want in your life. What are your values? What are your priorities? Start to align your friendships with your standards, and only pursue relationships that allow you to grow and advance. Prune out people that stunt your personal, professional, or spiritual development.
"The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray."
"A wise man is strong, yes, a man of knowledge increases strength; for by wise counsel you will wage your own war, and in a multitude of counselors there is safety."
"As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend."
"Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness?"
2 Corinthians 6:14.
"He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed."
There is an extremely high value placed on friendships. Make sure all of your friendships are aligned with your own values.
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